ENGLISH SPEAKINGI lined up all my Dr Martens for my human doormat to clean. Obviously I won’t let him clean the new ones, because he can only lick the shoes I use on the street. So I only let him lick the dirtiest ones. His tongue turns black in no time, so I help him with my spit to make him clean it. Finally my boots are clean, and my doormat has had the honor of tasting all the dirt I’ve trodden on the street.

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